Battlefield 3 Beta Review: Paranoia Will Destroy Ya

There is a flash of flight as fire reflects off a sniper scope. I see it out of the corner of my eye and jump to the ground—but, too late. The bullet zips right through my head and Battlefield 3 cheerily sends me to the all-too-familiar YOU ARE DEAD screen. Fortunately, respawn times are so short that I can hop right back into the foray in the metro, but there’s a second of hesitation before I click that deploy button.

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Devil May Cry 4; Why am I being punished? (Possibly NSFW)

Recently I decided to pick up a used copy of Devil May Cry 4 at a local game emporium. I had played the earlier games in the series and liked them. I had missed this one when it first came out, so I figured WHY THE FART NOT?! I figured wrong. Way wrong.

This game is bad. Not worst-game-ever bad, but there is so much wrong with this game that it’s haunting me. If you plan to play this soon or have already played this, you’re dumb and have low self-esteem. Otherwise, there’s no way you would have sat through all the cruel and unusual punishment this poorly made game constantly slaps you with. Therefore, you will be punished with spoilers. The only way to really explain the issues with this game is to talk plot. If you don’t like it, read another, more positive review.

The main problem with this game is how unnecessarily frustrating it is. I thought invisible walls in gaming had gone out of style, but apparently Capcom thinks they’re freakin sweet. Oh look those stairs look a blast to walk up! Wait, why can’t I simply push forward and walk up them? That’s right this game is made by Capcom, the invisible walls number-one fan boy.

Also, if you want an example of bad camera use look no further. This game uses a fixed camera angle sometimes, and at other times you can move it around. That inconsistency is weird but not a deal-breaker. The issue is when the fixed camera angle, the one the player can’t control, doesn’t show a huge part of the screen. Last time I checked this was an action game and action games require precise timing. At the very least, you should be able to see the environment around you.

And another thing: the story sucks. Nero’s a retard who’s been to one too many anime conventions (see below). He pouts all the time and then just when you start to get used to him and his attitude, he’s taken away and you have to use Dante. I could explain why but I really don’t want to. It’s too dumb to even remember. However, there was a point where I thought this story is so bad and weird, I’m intrigued to see how much worse it’s gonna get. Worst mistake of my life…….maybe.

The longer and longer I played, the more I grew to hate this game. By the time I got to the end, I found myself rooting against the character I was playing, literally dying on purpose because it was funny to see both of them die. That’s right you use Dante and Nero in the end. Oops, hope I didn’t spoil it!

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